Todays thoughts are too big for just a facebook or instagram post.
I finished a marathon today, but not as you would imagine.
I had a great morning with my cousin and the team, and I was ready to go by the time we lined up. I was feeling good, and knew that I was going to complete 26.2 miles today.
It was cold this morning, but I knew it was going to warm up, so I didn't want to carry my jacket. As we took off, I was in the front of our corral, with no one in front of me, this was my chance. I quickly realized that my body was not as warm as my mind was. The first 3 miles were rough, but I finally hit my stride. I ended up walking more than running, but I was convinced that I was saving my energy for 26 miles.
At mile 10 my incredible sunday school class face timed me and gave me that extra boost I needed. I was feeling good and ready to go! I was just starting.
Honestly, I felt so good, that I thought I was doing much better than I really was. I KNEW I was going to hit the split with no problem. But as we reached what looked like should have been the split for the marathon and half marathon runners, there were no signs, so I just kept going. I asked a few other marathoners around me and they thought the split was ahead.
Suddenly people were telling us there was just one more mile. I was confused, and it was then that a fellow marathoner came up and told us that we had just missed the split. By mere minutes.
I was so sad, like blinking back tears sad. It was interesting because my whole mood changed in that moment. I had been so smiley on the course, but all of a sudden I was more angry looking. My pictures are going to look "great!" I was just so sad. I felt like I was letting down all of these people who had donated to team world vision to support this great cause that I was now walking for. A dear friend had donated for my first and last mile, and I wasn't going to make it to my last.
I crossed the finish line, got my half finishers medal, and texted my parents. I had been texting with one of my best friends for the last mile, because she was supposed to meet me at mile 20. I couldn't even talk, I was just so upset.
Unfortunately, it was a few friends I ran into and a couple of random strangers that got the break down! Everyone was so kind to me, and I am so thankful! I just couldn't believe that I missed the cut off. I was so looking forward to that second half!
But, sometimes life doesn't go as planned. I almost didn't even go back to the Team World Vision tent, because I was ashamed. I don't know why, because a half marathon is something to be proud of! And had I planned on the half, I would have been very proud!
I ended up going to the Team World Vision tent and I'm glad I did, because I talked to (and cried) with some great people that had similar stories. Also, it was there that I ran into a fellow team member who didn't have a ride home. She didn't think she was going to be able to run today, so she didn't come prepared, but at the last minute she was able to! So, she understood my pain as well, as she thought last night that she wasn't going to be able to participate today and was heartbroken. Praise the Lord she was able to participate today after all!
The hard thing is, on any other day I would have been so proud to do a half marathon! That's a big deal! It was that I didn't finish what I set out to do that was really upsetting me. I'm so proud of all of the half finishers today! They worked hard, they trained, and they rocked it. Part of me wondered if I knew I was doing the half, would I have given it more? I just didn't feel like I had done MY best. Even saying this, I feel bad thinking this. One of the guys I cried to had just finished his first half. What a great accomplishment! I felt like such a jerk! The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was because it just wasn't my plan. I'm not good at admitting when I've failed myself. I was ready for an injury to take me off the course, but not a trailer blocking the course. "Pride comes before the fall." Thats the phrase that keeps running over and over in my head today. It's just this stupid pride!
Keep in mind, I walked the majority today. I didn't run like I had hoped, but I was okay with that. It was something I know to deal with. People trained their tails off and rocked the course today! I'm so proud of everyone!
I think I was just disappointed in myself, because I didn't train as well as I had hoped. I have this extra weight. And in the end, it made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I know I have the endurance to finish, but I don't have the time needed.
Anyways, I took my teammate home, took a break, and headed back out! I was determined to finish 26.2 miles today, and I did! It was much slower than expected, with the delays in the first round, and then even slower in the second round. It's amazing how much slower you go when no one is cheering you on, or you don't feel the pressure to stay in front of people!
The sun was about to set, and my phone was dead, but I was determined at this point. I was going to get that last mile! So, to the gym I went. And I finished!
Like I said, it wasn't the time I expected. In fact, it was MUCH slower than anticipated. But I have to remind myself. This round, I'm 30 pounds heavier, I had some injuries, some breaks in training, but I got out there! Who knows where I'll be next year with my health? I might be done running, and I might be hitting the marathon to PR. Who knows?
As I reflected on my day, I thought about how sometimes we just don't know how our path is going to go. I thought about the reason I was doing this marathon. When I was tired of the hilly area, I thought about those who have to carry jerry cans of water up and down mountains. I thought about how sometime you expect to get somewhere, but the road washes out, and you have to go a different way.
I don't know why my day ended up like this, but it did. It was a good lesson in perseverance and also about pride. And boy do I have a problem with pride.
So anyways, that's my story. It's not an easy one to post, but I wanted to update you all. You've been so good about supporting me, and I am so grateful. I did it. Not as I planned, but I did it.
And as I close, I'm reminding myself, It's not even about me. This was about bringing clean water to Africa. The money you raised brought clean water to 18 people. Thank you!
Part of the Northern Hills Team World Vision team
Start line with open road ahead
I was so upset, that I didn't get a finishing picture of the half. Instead I moved on to the park, and kept running in to this beauty. You didn't see her downtown!
Not where I expected to be on mile 20
My fit bit told me I was done, but I still had 2 more miles
Last mile
Not where I expected to finish the marathon, but I finished all the same
So thankful for this friend who helped me through my breakdown. She and her husband came over tonight to check on me. I'm so blessed by this friendship!
I did it!
Not as expected, but I am a finisher